Challenging Not Difficult

Life is challenging, but never difficult. I'm going to take some time off and stay at my brother's. He doesn't have access to Internet in his apartment, so it's going to be the library and Starbucks/McDonald's with free WiFi from now on. Well, for at least another year. 

Always figuring things out

It seems like I'm always figuring things out. Every time I think I have things set, things change. 

Chinese Food

Already making new friends and classes haven't even started yet! Her name is Liz, and she's a high school friend of Kara's so it wasn't hard to become chums. She's coming over in a little bit, and we're ordering Chinese food! It's about time I get something in my system. I haven't eaten all day, but not by choice! We have a free day in the Leadership Retreat, and they aren't providing food for us. I wish I had known that...I would've been more diligent about stealing some food from home. A poptart would be really awesome right now. I'll just have to be patient with the arrival of Liz and the Chinese food...I hope she ordered the food already! 

Summer Ending

Well, I plan to once again block Farmville. I don't know why I ever thought that game to be fun. I sign in earlier today, and someone has sent me a "mystery gift" or whatever they call them now....and I just felt so drained. Thinking about all the cows, horses, etc that I would have to harvest...maybe it's because it was a smaller version before it stopped being fun, so it wasn't as stressful. Farmville isn't the only thing that is ending. Summer is coming to an end as well. I'm in the process of packing right now, and right after this is posted, it's going to be put into my blue side backpack. Or shoulder backpack. I haven't eaten all day, and I just heard Mom is going for a walk with the dog...that's my cue to get a bite to eat. I'm supposed to be going to college tomorrow...I'll let you know if it works out.

Farmville

I have been trying to find ways to relax, and for a while, it was playing Bejeweled. After a while, though, I would see the little red boxes and little yellow diamonds floating across my eyes, especially when I was trying to sleep. So today I said to myself, "No, I cannot play this game. It's bad for my sleeping needs." And so I unblocked Farmville. And it actually is really relaxing to harvest everything and plant things. I also played this other game called Huntersville or something like that by following a link, and it actually requires more than one person. And I hate to send game links to random people, and I exited that one pretty quick. NO MORE BEJEWELED!

Grownups

I wasn't going to say "I'm sorry, I haven't written in the longest" and stop all over again! Once I get back on the horse, I have to at least trot for a little while before doing a back flip off the animal. I was just in the middle of watching Grownups, with the handsome, talented Adam Sandler. I couldn't help noticing his wife is the most glam and his kids are the cutest. Haha. But I probably would have done the same thing. All of them are at least a little successful and all of them are happy. It's a typical Adam Sandler feel-good movie. Though, I have to point out I like, "Just Go With It," a little more with the added bonus of Jennifer Aniston. :)

Figuring Things Out

I know, I know I haven't written in the longest. I've just been trying to figure things out when it comes to school and financial aid and housing and making sure I have everything. My mind has been a little too crowded to think about my lovely creation. Translation: my epic blog right here. I hope things get fixed soon so I'll be able to write more frequently. Being 19 is harder than I thought.

New Seventeen!

I got my Seventeen in the mail today! And it has my favorite Pretty Little Liar on the cover, Ashley Benson! I flipped through it a little and I'm really excited about the flare dresses trend, which I anticipated...plus, I have clothes shopping planned for Friday. Hopefully I can convince Rachel for us to start before six, though it may be against her wishes because she's borrowing Tim's car. I hate when her car breaks down on her. Oh, well, I still get to shop!

List

Tomorrow I'm going to focus on finally organizing my room so it stays that way and making a list of things I need to buy for school. Plus, a clothing list for when I go to Marshalls! <3

Glasses

I really wish the August Cosmo came in the library/someone didn't check it out, because I really wanted some Fashion feedback before picking out a new pair of glasses. Plus, I'm going back to school shopping, hopefully next week, and all I know I want is Indigo flare jeans, a blazer, professional skirts, accessories, and a winter coat.

Webmaster?

I found this article from Seventeen's website while browsing Twitter, and I thought it was pretty cool. Thought I'd post it here.

Get a Head Start on Your Dream Job!

Whether you want to be an actress or a teacher, fashion designer or doctor, Seventeen tells you what you should do in college to snag your dream career!

By Kaitlin Cubria

Webmaster

Potential Major(s): Computer Science, Graphic Design, Information Technology, Journalism
What to Do: Be fluent in the following: Search Engine Optimization (SEO), Content Management System (CMS), HTML, JavaScript. You must also acquire a working knowledge of PhotoShop, InDesign, and other Adobe platforms. (Video editing capabilities are huge plus as well.) There are free trials available online and a majority of colleges with these majors should have these programs readily available, so be sure you can practice with them. You can also take on a few pro bono assignments to help out a non-profit or budding entrepeneur—they probably don’t have the budget to hire someone and you can get material for your portfolio, a win-win!

photo credit: Slavenko Vukasovic/istock


Pretty sure I wouldn't be great at this because I'm so bad with computers, but if I was I think it would be really cool. 

Percy Jackson

It's amazing watching a movie with a bunch of kids. Actors falling all over the place or funny noises I know are staged actually makes these kids laugh. I thought it was cute.

Lunch Date...

...With my aunt and uncle. They live in Florida, and they come up to Connecticut for the summer a lot to visit family. Plus, they get to escape the Florida heat. I'd rather have a lunch date with them rather than the dumb boy who keeps texting me.

70424....70424....

I just spent about 10 minutes putting my Southern ID number onto all the documents I have to resend to Financial Aid. Ridiculous. At this rate, I might not even be able to return. And that's a scary thought.

Cute Nails

Loved this photo...had to include it. <3

Playing a Part

Sometimes it's really late at night and I can imagine totally bitching to someone, proving a point, getting what I want. But then the next morning, I realize I totally don't have the guts to do that...to anyone. Like, I imagined calling Financial Aid and being TOTALLY out there obnoxious, and today I could barely muster the courage to dial the number. And even when I did dial, the beep beep busy tone clucked, and I found myself partly annoyed, but partly relieved, too. And I only tried it that one time. I think the biggest thing is, that I'm afraid people will judge me, and magically we'll be in a situation together, making me look like a dumbass. I can't fully get into character due to my lack of confidence and my fear of consequences. Even when I called the counseling center to talk to them about hours, I only said, "once a week" when I really want twice a week to coincide with my gym schedule, to guarantee a time when I'll actually hit the gym. That's assuming I'll have enough money left for the gym membership. Seriously, my job pays well by the hour, but I'm not getting enough hours! I wish things would be easier than they really are. I wish I could snap my fingers and things would happen on their own.

Naive

Believe me, things are a lot more different/difficult when you're experiencing them than when you're hearing about them.

Will these ever become trends?

I was cleaning my room today, and I started taking random pictures. The big question? Will my randomness ever become something other women will want to try out? Here they are:

There are the boyfriend pants, the over-sized boyfriend shirt over high waisted jeans and a belt...but what about the boyfriend watch? It is only a matter of time before the "boyfriend" anything invades our accessories.

Now that I think about it, this is more last year's trend. I was just really hot cleaning and wanted a way to get my over-grown, needs a haircut bangs out of my face.

Crying Because of Movies

Titanic is the saddest movie ever! All I have to say. Good night.

So...

Jared and I kind of bonded over bacon pizza. Mom bought it for us probably because she was too hot to cook. Hey, 98 degrees isn't pretty...for anyone. But he told me some very valuable news concerning Noyce Camp, including a couple points of view I didn't know about. Nice to have some eyes inside the main valve. Apparently, they weren't really annoyed or concerned about me being an inept counselor, but they were annoyed with Kevin for leaving Noyce in the middle of the day without consulting the rest of the staff. He only told us, the Chatdam Court staff. Which I guess I can understand. He just had to take care of the lunches, which is out of the realm of thinking at Noyce. They just don't understand Chatdam at all. And I don't blame them. Before this year, I didn't understand Chatdam either. 

Loser

Today, it was like I was back in high school. I wonder if Kevin felt it. First, I made a little kid cry. I'm serious. I felt awful. We were playing "Fishy fishy," I tagged the kid, and he fell. Immediately started crying. First, shock. Then panic. Then horribleness. Then afterwards, after he calmed down a bit, I went over to him to formally apologize. He blamed the whole thing on me. That kind of pissed me off but I let it go. He's just a little kid after all. Later in the day, the kids were kind of out of hand, and a colleague who was in my graduating class, the President, the Valedictorian, the friggin' teacher's pet, was telling us that we needed to do a head count, make sure we had all of our kids, organize everyone. I felt like a total degrade reject loser. And he's friggin' handsome on top of everything else. And I don't know what it is, but he's less scrawny than in high school, less cross country man more...I don't know, just more filled out and muscular. Not that I was thinking any of this at the time, I'm just saying how further unfair my position was to this friggin' high school god. Brenden even said thanks for his help, which I refused to do. I think he even looked at me, too, like he expected a thank you from all of us. (Anton followed Brenden's lead). I just wanted the day to end and friggin' leave Noyes Camp. Well, we were boarding the bus at the time which was good, and the ride gave me a chance to cool down. I was really disappointed in the kids' behavior. At least Chatdam won in the Gold Rush game. Because, despite everything, Chatdam rules.

Field Trip!

For Chatdam, a field trip means going across town to another camp or to the Quarries. Well, here we go again. Tomorrow, we're going to take the bus across town to Noyes Camp, where I actually worked last year. Big Daddy Races? No idea. I guess we'll see.

Nickelback

Dad says the lead singer needs to clear his throat. I have to admit, I never thought the same, but when he said it, I had to laugh and agree a tad. But isn't that raspy sound what makes Nickelback have that special sound? Wasn't that sound what made them famous? I don't know. I was listening to my iTunes today after the radio went on commercial and I didn't feel like digging through my stuff to find another CD. I've been listening to Avril for so long...enough is enough. So on go the iTunes, and when Nickelback's "Someday" comes on, I actually sort of relate to it. I imagine myself singing it to my parents. I wonder if they would listen?

Someday lyrics:

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

[Solo]

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when

Okay, some of this I would sing to my parents, some of it not. I'm really bad at getting lyrics right just from hearing them. :)

Goodbyes

I have been away from the Internet for a couple of days because of a grand sleepover. I love going over Kristin's house because she has these amazing board games that are NOT boring (there was a new one called Funglish...of course I love word games), somehow I eat somewhat healthier there, and we always end up doing something active outside like playing volleyball or walking up the huge hill by her house. Plus, Kristin's cousin, Alex, comes over sometimes to hang out, and he's a cutie! I'm not sure if he'll see me as anything more, but I'm happy with the easy-going relationship we have now, even if my heart quickens whenever I'm around him and I'm extra clumsy. Like today, I'm not very good at Badminton to start out with, but whenever he's near me, I'm just plain bad. Especially with the sun in my face. I managed to laugh it off and enjoyed his teasing nevertheless. And during a board game last night, I kept on thinking about sexual things while he talked, and I had to work hard to control my expressions. I feel bad that when I left I didn't say goodbye, but I was more focused on saying goodbye to Kristin. She's leaving for the Army Reserves Tuesday, and today was her goodbye party. It was quite the success, even though only three of her friends could come, but she had plenty of family and family friends there. Even the Pickles (I know, funny last name), whom she used to babysit for, came to the picnic. I held her for about 30 seconds straight. I'm going to miss her terribly. I almost cried, but I didn't want to be the only one to cry, so I held it in. It's going to be totally different with her gone, not being able to call, e-mail, or meet her at the mall. She keeps on telling me it's not forever, but I bet the emptiness I'll feel when she's gone will feel like forever.

 

Being Neglectful

I know I have been neglecting this blog lately, but I feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis (at the age of 19). No, I'm exaggerating. I think I'm just trying to get my life started, and it is proving to be more difficult than I thought. There have been things going on in my life, but I think some things are meant to stay private. As in off the Internet. And I am exhausted so I am going to bed. Good night.

Reconnecting With Friends

My friends are the best, but sometimes it's hard to keep in touch with everyone due to busy schedules and (in some cases) lack of technology. These past couple of days have been the best because I got to talk to some girls I haven't talked to, like really talked to, since the last day of classes. Plus, I came home early, so it's been extra long. I'm really excited to get back to school and get back to a busier routine. Getting a job is extra important to me now, so I filled out two applications, one for Portland, so I can have some extra hours during the last few weeks of summer and winter break, etc, and an on-campus job so I can have a job close to my dorm room, no cars required. I'm also really grateful to my friends because they go above and beyond to make things work for me. Driving me around, entertaining me, going along with my crazy ideas without question. Those are the things that make me feel good, and I cannot stress to them enough how grateful I am to every single one of them who have made my life sparkle. <3

College besties. :)

Moped?

I've been browsing through Bing Images to find the perfect moped. I'm actually considering buying one. Silver from 90210 looked amazing, sexy, and super cool riding hers, and it's cheaper than buying a car. I would probably still need to get insurance, though. Here's one that I found. It's a Lambretta, which is the brand that I really like. Red isn't my number one color; I was actually hoping for a purple or light blue. But it's whatever. It's not like I'm actually going to buy this one or any one anytime soon. But here it is:

It's cute but not too girly. I'm not even sure they make purple mopeds. Haha, but if they don't I should start my own line of mopeds! Totally just kidding. :)

Love Me, Hate Me

I really love this picture:

The shirt is really hot. It's something I would wear. I'm not sure if you can tell from the picture, and I'm not even sure if she really did this from this picture alone, but below you can see she paired it with her poka dot bikini bottoms. I just thought doing that pairing gave it an edge and a sexy feel. And any woman who can do that successfully is clearly beautiful and one who can be admired.

See? And that girl is actually her cousin, if you can believe that!! :P They look so different. :)

Amazing Find

I went to the library after work today. I was so excited to actually browse through the card catalog or just walk through the isles trying to find that perfect, amazing stack of books to read my way through. I also considered getting movies, but decided against it. I did, however, get the July Cosmo. I must admit, some of the flare of reading a new and exciting magazine that project a lady point of view is kind of wearing off. I did read through "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner," the novella by Stephanie Meyer. It was a great book, I mean novella, seeing as I read through the thing in one afternoon. I also got a few other fiction books that are technically for teens, but I don't care. And a few fashionista and life oriented books found in the non-fiction section. I rarely get books from there, but now that I'm older, maybe I should make an effort to visit that section more frequently. My greatest and most amazing find of the day, however, was "The One Hundred," by Nina Garcia, from Project Runway (didn't even see the author name until I got home).  It details every clothing item (the top 100 of course) that a women should own. In the intro, however, it warns that the items reflect HER personal style, and the reader should consider each piece and have the item be represented by their personal style. I feel like that last sentence had a lot of words, but hopefully you get the picture. I even chose that book to bring with me as one of my reading materials for my morning field squatting. :)
That about wraps things up for now. Good night, fashionistas. <3

I like how the title is bigger than the name. That's how it should be.

Babies

I never used to like babies or little kids. I hated, HATED working with the toddlers last year. I felt like all they did was cry and fight over stupid things. But I think I've either learned to appreciate them or have come to understand them at least...or maybe both. Today was amazing. Kevin pulled out the slip and slide again...and this time I actually went on it. Uniform and all. And it was a lot more fun than I thought. I held kids' hands, even carried a few, and it was FUN. Just pure fun. I'm really forming a lot of connections with these kids, and it feels great. I even played jump rope...something I hadn't done...in forever. I seriously do not remember the last time I was in the center with two people twirling the rope. I can't even do that single jump rope mumbo jumbo. More news: I applied to Burger King. I'm having Rachel put a good word in for me, and the job means working on my people skills and getting some extra cash. I'm 90% sure I won't be able to buy a car by the end of the summer...it's already July! And I'm not even sure about the written part of my license, much less the whole thing. I'm also thinking about quitting the French Club and finally writing something for submission for the Southern News. And possibly getting more involved with Southern TV. I'm a Journalism major, damn it, and I'm gonna start acting like it and spending some quality time putting some thought and action into my future. If I can't do these things, my future will be murky and gray. And I really don't want that to happen.

PLL

I actually got to watch Pretty Little Liars on time this week! Haha, no hulu for me! And it was amazing. Everyone except Dan and Dad went out tonight to visit some chick named Rhonda (don't ask, I have no idea), so the TV was as free as can be! Some recording things came up, which was mega annoying, but I zapped those little pests. I'm so sick of no one wanting to watch any of my shows and having them always talk smack about them. I never talk smack about Family Guy or South Park, and to me these are two of the most annoying TV shows in America today. I was really thinking about school today because I hung out with Rachel and school came up. And then in Pretty Little Liars, the girls looked so studious with their text books and binders...I got Seventeen today. and the back to school clothes are looking sweet! I can't wait 'til August when I get to go shopping at Marshalls and maybe Kohls. I only have a gift card to Marshalls, so I'll have to budget my money wisely at Kohls. No more $300 shopping sprees from last year. :( That was so much fun, though, and VERY worth it. Alright, gotta shower and get ready for bed...night! <3

I'm a Bitch, I'm a Lover

By Meredith Brooks

I Hate the World Today
You’re So Good to Me, I Know
But I Can Change
Tried to Tell You
But You Look At Me Like Maybe I’m An Angel Underneath
Inoccent and Sweet

Yesterday I Cried
Must Have Been Relieved to See the Softer Side
I Can Understand How You’d Bee So Confused
I Don’t Envy You
I’m a Little Bit of Everything
All Roled Into One

I’m a Bitch I’m a Lover
I’m a Child I’m a Mother
I’m a Sinner I’m a Saint
I do Not Feel Ashamed
I’m Your Hell I’m Your Dream
I’m Nothing in Between
You Know, You Wouldn’t Want It Any Other Way

So Take Me As I Am
This May Mean, You’ll Have to Be a Stronger Man
You Used to Shoot When I Start to Make You Nervous
And I’m Going to Extreams
Tomorrow I Will Change and Today Won’t Mean a Thing

I’m a Bitch I’m a Lover
I’m a Child I’m a Mother
I’m a Sinner I’m a Saint
I do Not Feel Ashamed
I’m Your Hell I’m Your Dream
I’m Nothing in Between
You Know, You Wouldn’t Want It Any Other Way

Just When You Think
You Got Me
Figured Out the Seasons Are Already Changin’
I Think It’s Cool, You do What You do
And Don’t Try to Sing Me

I’m a Bitch I’m a Lover
I’m a Child I’m a Mother
I’m a Sinner I’m a Saint
I do Not Feel Ashamed
I’m Your Hell I’m Your Dream
I’m Nothing in Between
You Know, You Wouldn’t Want It Any Other Way

I’m a Bitch, I’m Tease
I'm a Goddess On My Knees
When You Hurt
When You Suffer
I'm Your Angel Undercover
I've Been Numb
I'm Revived
Can't Say I'm Not Alive
You Know I Wouldn't Want It Any Other Way


So far, I have listened to this song three times in the last couple of hours. I love it. <3 Look it up on YouTube, or just follow the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHrFEnL9CfM

The Lake, The Pool

Swimming underwater is the best. The whole world gets shut out. It's just you and the water. You hold your breath and get to catch it all back as you break through the surface, toward the sun. As you glide under the water, your legs become like a frog's and your arms like an eagle. Your belly slides against the bottom. You're running out of air, but you want a few more stokes. Your lungs contract in your chest. More air! More air!
You break the surface. Toward the sun.

Javior Colon!!

Javior is the first winner of the Voice! I was voting for him from the beginning. Not only was he an amazing singer, but he is from Stratford, CT. And he LIVES in Hartford, CT. Like, anytime I'm passing through Hartford, that could be him passing me on the highway! His coach was Adam Levine, from Maroon 5, and he TOTALLY cried when the announcer dude said that Javior was the winner. He said that he promised Stevie Nicks that he wasn't going to cry, but then he did! I thought it was really sweet, though. I really love Maroon 5, too, so I was totally into Team Adam from the beginning...I actually wanted Javior to chose Adam at the Blind Audition when everyone turned their chairs just because I wanted Adam to win the whole thing. The same thing happened with Jeff. I was kind of afraid that Bevery was going to take the gold for Team Christina, which would have kind of sucked. But then she didn't even end up in the top 2! It was Dia, from Team Blake. If she had won, I would've been bummed, but I would've gotten over it quickly and just be happy for her. It was only a 2% margin between Javior and Dia, which was kind of surprising but not really. Dia was really popular on iTunes. But Javior ended up winning and that's what matters!

Getting in the Swing

This morning I woke up absolutely exhausted for no apparent reason. The only thing I could think of was that last night I had a horrible nightmare and I woke up in the middle of the night literally shaking. I kinda don't wanna get into it right now, and I have to make this a shorty anyway because it's almost my bedtime! Waking up at 7:00 am in the summer when I'm used to waking up at the earliest 8:30 am for class...it's not easy. I'm just getting into the swing of things...camp, children, a routine...SHOOT I just realized I have nothing planned for tomorrow because I was way too into The Kite Runner, an amazing book by Khaled Hosseini. I already read one of his books and it was SUPER! But ughhh I really wanted to finish this one scene, and now...it's PAST MY BEDTIME. And as I freak out...let's wrap this mother up! :)

Much Better

The second day of camp was much better than the first. Kevin followed his own advice and split everyone up according to age group. I was with the four year old to six year old children. Thank goodness I had some games prepared. Even with all my preparation, the kids were easily bored, shy, and a little unenthusiastic. A dance game I was 90% sure they'd love was the game they 100% hated. Go figure. Here's another thing to keep in mind: with these young ones, it's best to keep the games as simple as possible. They don't really like strategic games (not that I had any) or games where you put yourself out there too much (like the dance game). The really liked Wonder Ball, though, and the impromptu soccer game was the one they liked the best. Well, mostly. A couple of them wandered over to the teen group, who had started an impromptu volleyball circle. At the end of the day when we sat down on the picnic table to cool down and I started the "Favorites" game, most of the kids said they enjoyed volleyball the best. One boy didn't even join in, he just watched! And he still said volleyball was his favorite. Oh, well. I still have to come up with more games, and I've gone online in search of some. Kind of last minute, I know...but I have an hour tomorrow morning as well to perfect them. Also, Kevin told me that I'll also have the teens so, in his words, "You won't be by yourself with the kids." I had five of them yesterday! That's not very many, and I got along just fine. A couple more are supposed to show up tomorrow, but I'm not even sure if they're in my age group. Whatever, I'm just gonna ignore them and they can participate however they like while we play little kid games. Actually, I'm worried they'll be more of a distraction than anything else. Again, oh well. I had a vision that Kevin went to Sean and told him I'm better off at Noyes. There's dreaming for you.

Blossoming children make me happy.

First Day of Camp

Well, the first day of camp was kind of hectic...but I think that's what made it normal. No, I'm totally lying. It was totally out of control. I remember being confused or maybe a little lost at the other camps, but there was always that structure to turn back to. Here, there is no structure. I don't even know if the kids had fun today because of all the screaming, fighting, and name-calling. And jumping fences. Big fences. And not listening to the counselors. I don't know half the kids' names yet because all the hustling, plus two kids look so similar to me, AND there are no attendance sheets. I asked Kevin about this, and I'm pretty sure he's sick of me comparing everything to Noyce, but I can't help it. Things just WORK there. Kevin thinks that everyone there is a stickler to the rules, but at least there things are under control and the kids feel like they are in a safe environment. We had so many injuries today. Two kids got hit in the head with a kickball. There was a bee sting. And the name-calling and "every kid for themselves" mantra that is now in place is messing with my head. I did connect with a couple of them, but I have a funny suspicion that I'll have to start over tomorrow. Especially with Brendon there. It's hard to act like I'm in charge with him around. I did come up with game plans but didn't end up using any of them because they were all set for toddlers who were shy. The kids ended up still being in one big group, basically, and the games I had in mind would just seem lame to the older kids. And everybody had so much energy that calming them down to start any activity that lasted more than five minutes was just impossible. We played kickball, and that lasted all of two minutes before everybody got confused about which team they were on and random people started kicking the ball and running around aimlessly. Fishy fishy went better, but none of the kids were quiet enough to hear the little kid trying to yell the instructions (Fishy fishy cross my ocean if you're wearing pink). The kids only sat down for all of ten minutes when one of the kid's dad came by to drop off popsicles. They weren't into circle games, which I found surprising because every other camp I've been to, especially Gildersleeve, the kids have been into them. And it was basically only two hours! The first hour was breakfast and cards, then the two hours, and then lunch. During those two hours, more than half the kids asked when lunch was going to be. One girl asked me while the cards were still out. And then I walked home, and I have a blister on my foot. I'm afraid I won't be able to wear the same shoes tomorrow...the horrible lime green t-shirts are...HORRIBLE! I have about 3 pairs of shorts that actually go with the t-shirt. I was so exhausted after walking home in the wretched heat that I jumped into the cool shower when I got home. My inner body was seriously toasting. And I drank lots of water and just had to eat some ice cream to COOL ME DOWN. It wasn't really that my muscles were tired...just my body felt so hot. Good news, though, I didn't get a sunburn. My face was actually pleasantly tanned, and with the sultry combination of my eyes, it was a sight to see. I guess the sunscreen I put on this morning paid off. Oh, this morning. Waiting in that field was tres barbant. I ended up going up 15 minutes early because I thought Kevin would come in early anyway. Nope. I felt so awkward standing there with the mom and kids I didn't even know yet. I'm just hoping tomorrow will be better.

Summer Work

I've been home for about a month and a half now and I have done very little. What I do remember means very little in the big scheme of things that is my life. I have big dreams. Dreams to work at an elite magazine, wear fabulous clothes, hold a certain image, live in a penthouse or maybe an awesome townhouse, and be cool enough to get into certain parties. Maybe these dreams are the reason why I'm so hooked to Gossip Girl and why I can't stop thinking about Logan Henderson, a guy talented enough to bounce from being basically unknown to a hot nerd on Big Time Rush. All I wanna be is a talented girl working her ass off for something good that I believe in. My problem isn't the inability to work hard. My problem is finding the right thing to work hard for. So what if I can get a job at Burger King because I'm close with one of the managers? The problem is that I'm close with one of the managers. I've seen first hand what happens when people have friends that are coworkers instead of having coworkers that are friends. I have something close to that at the place I work for now, and more importantly, my brother doesn't also work there (for now) and it illuminates a positive message for everyone else in the world: that kids deserve a safe place during the summer where they can have fun, make friends, and share memories later on in life. Okay, so at BK I can argue the whole expanding my people person skills, but I don't think that serving people who walk in craving grease will really help all that much. I was at a birthday party yesterday, and just to flip the bird at my mother without really doing so, I got cozy with the elders at the party, laughing over mixing beer and vodka, marrying young, and green balls. Earlier that week, she had asked me if I was afraid of older people, and I said no. I was angry she could forget all those times I helped her back when she worked in Middletown and Cromwell. Worse, she didn't believe me because I heard her talking about it with Jared, my brother. And that's not all they talked about. I hate, double hate when people talk bad about me behind my back, but especially when they do it so carelessly I can clearly hear them and they don't have enough compassion inside them to think about this before shouting about it to the whole house (not really shouting, but you get the picture). Mom says all I do is sit in my room. Maybe that's true, for about 70% of this vacation, but she never thought to investigate further...to maybe be a mom and ask me about anything. We haven't talked about anything real in the longest, and at that family picnic when the elders asked who I was, I felt weird saying, "Michelle's daughter." I don't feel like Michelle's daughter. She said the best thing they could have done was kick Adam out of the house. She was talking about doing the same thing to me, and I swear, if I feel as shunned as Adam is right now, I will be devastated. This was a family picnic, and she didn't even think of inviting him until we were driving over and it was too late. She said she figured he was hanging out with Shanae, Adam's girlfriend, but I don't think this is true. When I'm a mom, I won't be the kind of mom my mother is. Either one. This one is horrible, and the one in Enfield isn't strong enough. I guess that makes me somewhat of a witch, too, since I'm talking such nonsense about them, even if it is the truth. Who would hire me when I can only commit myself for the rest of the summer? I really can't work at BK. My car goal does not look to be happening (the whole Marshalls thing?). I wouldn't even have enough to get a car AND books, seeing as all the money that I got last summer from graduation gifts and my job got blown all in the first semester mostly due to books and my mistake of forgetting about the future. I also thought about Main Street Diner. With the hours I have now at my other job, I would be able to work weekends from 5 am-1 pm: a good eight hours, increasing my work load to 36 hours a week. But who would drive me? Well, I have a test...let's see if it works.

Summer. Yeah, whatever.

Communication

The most important, or I guess one of the most important, aspects of today's society is communication. And it sucks having my best friend without a cell phone. Last time I was over her house she had a laptop...why isn't she answering my Facebook posts? My other best friend, Kristin, is all busy running errands and literally running, preparing for the Army. It just seems like everyone always leaves, and I'm sick of always feeling alone. Even in a crowd, at a family picnic, I feel alone. What's with that? I hope working next week will bring me out of this. The kids need me to be a positive role model.

An Amazing Start...

...To hopefully an amazing weekend! Mimi's was super fun even though there was some drama with the ride situation and the water was chilly, but I got to swim in a pool at night! I don't remember ever doing that. Underwater was super blurry because of my no glasses dilemma and all the shadows. I couldn't even find the colorful rings underwater, which I'm usually good at. Or even tell what color they were! We also went shopping and to Hometown Buffet. I was super bad in there with all my desserts, but cheesecake is my weakness and it's technically my vacation for the summer since I won't be joining the family in August like usual. I don't really care as much, though, because I think they're going someplace super lame. (I guess super is the word of the day). I also can't stop thinking about my not-so-secret crush, and I just watched the super hilarious video in which Logan pushes Carlos off the stage. A must-watch! But something even better...a super must-watch in fact...Bad Teacher. I've been spending my early evening/late afternoon reading Cosmo, including an article about Cameron Diaz, and I'm determined to see the movie. Hopefully this weekend.

Now, I must return to watching hot guys be gorgeous.

To Grandmother's House We Go

I'll be at Mimi's from tonight to tomorrow night. I'm hoping for a weather miracle with no thunder and no lightning so we'll be able to swim. My brother and I that is. Before we go, my family and I are going to a cookout to celebrate Luke getting First Class in Boy Scouts. I'm not sure what this is, but it sounds impressive. I really hope he sticks with it all the way to Eagle. It's important to me because I never got my Gold Award with Girl Scouts. I'm looking forward to being at Mimi's house even if it was a hassle getting us there. Plus, I'm only there for one day while Luke is there for two. Adam is picking me up Thursday night because Friday morning I have job training. I hope I can find my mini umbrella because it's supposed to rain and Mom is dropping me off an hour early because that's when her work starts and I don't have any other ride. I tried to get Adam to pick me up and drop me off Friday morning, but it was too much for me. I remember I was talking to someone about getting a job in order to get my license, and they said, "Yeah, they'll WANT you to get your license from driving you everywhere because of your work." Well, she had to do this last summer, and so far no support. She always brings it up in conversation like she expects me to take care of it all on my own, and believe me, I'm trying. I even packed my driving manual so I can review it while I'm at Mimi's. I thought I would have my written done with by now because of the support I got from Adam and Rachel, but so far nothing has pulled through. I'm hoping things will fall into place once I start working again. Work always gives me focus.

4 servings, not 4 squares

So I just went to the doctor today. She asked me a lot of questions about nutrition and I realized even if I lose weight, I'm not getting the nutrients I need to be healthy. So instead of cutting out meals entirely but not really doing anything because the calories increase in each meal (you got all that?), I merely increase the nutrition in each meal. That way, I'll be not only full, but I get the healthy food I need. I also am going to start taking a multivitamin at night. Mom said I could take hers. My doctor also said that the weight might not come off as easily as it did sophomore year. It might take longer, but that means it will be more likely to stay off. And honestly, I don't ever want to go through this weight gain thing (ugh, the Freshman 15) again until I get pregnant. If I stick with the 4 servings of veggies, fruits, dairy, and 2 servings of meat then I'll be good. I told my mom my doctor wants me to take calcium supplements, too, because I don't really eat a lot of dairy, but my mom said to just eat more cheese and I'll be good. She says it's always better to eat the food than taking the pill.
If this post seems confusing, I'm sorry. I'm love struck. Lol. ;)
Bye!

Not the best picture....whatevs, you get the point. :)

Big Time Rush

These guys are HILARIOUS!! No kidding. And of course they're handsomely gorgeous! My favorite is Logan, the one with the brown hair and chocolate colored eyes wearing the hot leather jacket. (Just in case you can't see his eyes).

J and S

 

Young love. Isn't it freaking adorable? (Sarcasm). Okay, I know it isn't cool to be jealous of your 15-year-old brother who has a "friend" who might be his "girlfriend" and they kiss and hold hands and everything...she even says "I love you" and they still can't freaking figure out if they're a couple. It's the latest family drama. "If she isn't your girlfriend then why do you kiss all the time?" is a constant question Luke brings up. I don't know what the big deal is. I think S might be afraid of getting hurt if they make it official and she gets even more attached. I think they both don't know what they have, though she seems a lot more to handle than J is. I haven't had an official in quite some time now, and if a cute guy started loving me and kissing me and holding my hand, you better believe I'm gonna call him my boyfriend and he'll be expected to take me to dinner and call me and help me study, etc. This girl doesn't realize that once J is the boyfriend, she has more power. But with more power means more heartache, I guess, and that's the only thing she seems to be focused on. They were kissing in the car right in front of me (literally...believe me), and one kiss had too much spit in it and you could totally hear. Lol, I'm not sure if I'm the only one who noticed. Luke said the kissing was annoying, and as usual I was no comment. I tried to pretend they weren't even doing anything weird but it was a little hard with the closeness and spit going on. I talked to Luke basically nonstop throughout the whole car ride. I actually think Luke was jealous of the pairing because it meant Jared wasn't paying attention to him a.k.a annoyed. Which he said. So I'm right. Haha. But, yeah, I'm not worried about it. I'm just gonna move on from these memories of closeness and spit and daydream about Logan from Big Time Rush. Ever since Kristin told me he plays the geeky one on the show, I thought no one would be into him...that I could be the "only one" who liked him and live in my own fantasy of everyone hitting on Carlos, James, and Kendall and me having Logan all to myself to flirt with. ;) But...never gonna happen! Almost every YouTube video I watched with him in it, there was at least one girl declaring him hot, and I never saw any remarks about the other boys! :( Haha, there's always daydreaming...

Video Games

People have to learn to get their priorities right, but video games, especially the good kind, might not necessarily be bad. What do I mean by good? Well, no violence. Violent video games are proven to be a negative impact, especially on youth. But what about games like bejeweled? Games that have puzzles that causes people of all ages to either act quickly in order to achieve the maximum number of points or have multiple steps that get the brain juices flowing. Yes, I said brain juices. Hopefully you aren't eating while you read this. Both my brothers have problems when it comes to technology and getting their homework done. With Jared, the problem is television. He already has to get up extra early to catch a bus to the Hartford Academy, but he decides to wake up even earlier...just to watch an extra half hour of TV! Not even I'm that bad...I need my sleep. With Luke, the problem is video games. He could sit there for hours traveling around on the big, brown horse shooting down zombies. He even goes online to look up shortcuts so he can beat his games and head to Game Stop to trade his games in and get MORE games. I'm pretty sure he has played more video games than his three other siblings combined. I'm pretty sure I've played the least...but I've probably watched the most television series. Yes, even more than the TV King. It's not that he has a lot of shows...the main ones are Family Guy and South Park. But I watch basically everything from 90210 to Master Chef. I don't know what it is, but I like reality TV. I know most people hate it, but I can't understand their loathing. Anyways, I'm also really into movies, but I don't think as much as TV since there are so many movies I haven't seen. Now, back to the point: in moderation (because too much of anything could be harmful), video games could actually be a good thing. (Hopefully Luke never reads this). :)

My Latest Craving

Sometimes all you need is a picture, and that says it all.

My Opinion

Here is a Facebook post I just found, and I want to shed some light for her and everyone else that might think it is true.

"i've said it before, and i will say it again! beauty is in the eyes of the beholder NOT in the eyes of vogue, cosmo, or seventeen magazine! just proudly embrace who YOU are & don't compare yourself to the computer edited, spray-tanned, "beautiful" models. they may be beautiful but you gotta accept that you are too! once you see yourself as beautiful, others will too cause confidence is what makes a girl sexy. ♥"

 Here is the latest Seventeen. Look at Lucy: she's the girl next door. She wasn't born into Hollywood, she worked hard to get there! She makes thick eyebrows look cool, and she inspires young girls to look at her and think, "I can become her!" They might save up their allowance, go to the store, and purchase a pair of feather earrings and only wear one on one ear, step outside the norm, because Lucy made it okay to do that. Or, if the girl is brave enough, she'll buy something totally new and original, and rock that  look. Seventeen makes it possible for normal girls to look at their cover and be more than they already are because any girl can always be more. 

Vogue. The ultimate fashion magazine...the most famous and the most elite. And here's a normal looking woman on their cover! And being on the cover of Vogue is any model's dream! She worked hard to get there...there have been women that have auditioned for Top Model and have been turned away because all they are is trust fund babies with no personality. Vogue has the power to inspire people everywhere to attend a "Colour Fiesta" and wear something that is colorful, fresh, and Vogue elite. Vogue says that fashion isn't just about the clothes, it's how you wear them, treat them, and represent them. You can be whoever who want to be, it doesn't matter, and there are plenty of clothes to go with it. 


I don't really know Cosmo that well, but I remember I used to sit in the library waiting for my dad to pick me up and read Cosmo. And it was fun to read about the celebrities and things I couldn't ask my parents about in the sex ed section. These magazines aren't just about clothes, they represent what it means to be a young women, whether it means struggling to get through high school or trying to jump start your career. These magazines don't tell you what beauty is, they inspire everyone to create their own beauty! Where do you think designers get the inspiration to create the perfect dress? Nature. People. Life! 

So, I didn't think it was fair to leave Cosmo out...these are the ones I used to read when I was younger. :)

Mean by Taylor Swift

I can't stop watching this music video and clicking "replay." It's amazing.

You, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me
You have knocked me off my feet again got me feeling like I'm nothing
You, with your voice like nails on a chalkboard, calling me out when I'm wounded
You, pickin' on the weaker man

Well, you can take me down with just one single blow
But you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation
You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don't already see them
I'll walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you
I just wanna feel okay again

I'll bet you got pushed around, somebody made you cold
But the cycle ends right now 'cause you can't lead me down that road
And you don't know what you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

And I can see you years from now in a bar, talking over a football game
With that same big loud opinion but nobody's listening
Washed up and ranting about the same old bitter things
Drunk and grumbling on about how I can't sing

But all you are is mean
All you are is mean and a liar and pathetic and alone in life
And mean, and mean, and mean, and mean

But someday I'll be living in a big old city
And all you're ever gonna be is mean, yeah
Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Someday, I'll be, living in a big old city
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
Someday, I'll be big enough so you can't hit me
(Why you gotta be so mean?)
And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Why you gotta be so mean?

Proof She Actually Didn't Have To Work Today (At Shoprite Anyway)

Kara Marie Westbrook

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  Kara Marie Westbrook

  At Captain Scotts for lunch with my grammy :)
  CB#: 8602873413

  

  

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  Kara Marie Westbrook

  hoping this mr.clean magic eraser actually works cause the Sunday school room table needs some big time cleanup!!

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  Kara Marie Westbrook added 2 new photos to the album Life. Is. Good. ♥

  

  Life. Is. Good. <3

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  Audge Devaux

  hey I FINALLY sent you the pictures :)) There waiting in your owl mail.......

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  Kara Marie Westbrook

  up bright and early!! spending the entire day organizing and slightly redecorating the Sunday school classroom at church :). htc ♥

  6 hours ago · 

  So...enough said.

An Interesting Dream

Last night I had an interesting dream that I thought was worth sharing. Here's a strange fact: I almost never have dreams where I am in college. Maybe it's because I haven't been in college long enough? But they're almost always in high school. And sometimes, it's not even my high school. Sometimes it looks like my high school but it's combined with other schools I've been to in the past. And sometimes there are people in my class I used to know from other schools, but most of the time it's just Portland people. I mean, my head doesn't want to completely confuse me, right? Actually, I don't even realize anything is different until I wake up. Haha, this reminds me of Inception (good movie). 

Anyway, in this dream I actually am in middle school. I know because a girl, Emily Curley, who I knew in middle school, was there. And so was Mr. Smith and Mr. Stekloff, my middle school teachers. We are on a field trip, and we get to stay in what looks like a fancy  hotel. Emily tells me she has to do something and she'll just meet me at the amusement park. I walk out by myself (apparently none of my other friends existed in this dream), and the park is practically empty. It's a bright and sunny day so it isn't really creepy, but I just wonder where everyone is. So after walking around a little and realizing I can't go on any rides by myself, I head back to the hotel. I find myself inside an indoor mini mall. Somehow I know where to go and I enter this shop that leads to the inside of our hotel room. Emily is there and she tells me something but I can't really hear her (either that, or I forget what she said). I realize now that I am hungry (go figure). So I go out into the square that is the mini mall, and it turns into a grocery store. It's then that I realize I don't have any money. I try to take things, but everybody seems to have their eyes on me, so I can't without getting busted. I stuff my hands in my pockets and I decide to just go back to the hotel room. I circle the grocery store and it turns back in the square. But everything is blurry and I can't find the store I have to enter. I know what it looks like, I just can't find it. Finally, I see the store, but it is extremely blurry. I go through the entrance and I am in the hotel room again. But it has more bunk beds, set up kind of like Silver Lake, with girls (Emily is there, too) that look like girls I have met at Silver Lake. Except they all  have different names, and I find I actually know them. But then as I begin talking to them, I find myself forgetting. Emily hands me a big stack of papers to pass back to them, but their names are even harder to remember. And these are strange names I've never heard of before. This one girl that looks very familiar to me with strawberry blond hair and lots of freckles, but she keeps on having to repeat her name. And as I pass out papers, the stack does not get any thinner or lighter. Boys also walk into the room, sitting down with the girls on the beds, as I hustle trying to get the papers back to their owners. I also am short of breath. A swirl of color, and I wake up.

Sorry this was so long. I've told dreams to my mom before, and she is always dumbfounded on how long my dreams actually are. I remember feeling very lost in this dream, and I remember dreams where I have felt lost before: within high schools trying to find classrooms, etc. (The finding classroom thing has happened a lot). So I went to an online "Dream Moods Dictionary" and looked up what feeling lost means.

"To dream that you are lost, suggests that you have lost your direction in life or that you have lost sight of your goals. You may be feeling worried and insecure about the path you are taking in life. If you try to call for help, then it means that you are trying to reach out for support. You are looking for someone to lean on. Alternatively, being lost means that you are still adjusting to a new situation in which the rules and conditions are ever changing."

I found this to be not very surprising and very accurate. I hope you enjoyed reading about my dream and hearing about my past dreams.