Cute Nails

Loved this photo...had to include it. <3

Playing a Part

Sometimes it's really late at night and I can imagine totally bitching to someone, proving a point, getting what I want. But then the next morning, I realize I totally don't have the guts to do that...to anyone. Like, I imagined calling Financial Aid and being TOTALLY out there obnoxious, and today I could barely muster the courage to dial the number. And even when I did dial, the beep beep busy tone clucked, and I found myself partly annoyed, but partly relieved, too. And I only tried it that one time. I think the biggest thing is, that I'm afraid people will judge me, and magically we'll be in a situation together, making me look like a dumbass. I can't fully get into character due to my lack of confidence and my fear of consequences. Even when I called the counseling center to talk to them about hours, I only said, "once a week" when I really want twice a week to coincide with my gym schedule, to guarantee a time when I'll actually hit the gym. That's assuming I'll have enough money left for the gym membership. Seriously, my job pays well by the hour, but I'm not getting enough hours! I wish things would be easier than they really are. I wish I could snap my fingers and things would happen on their own.

Naive

Believe me, things are a lot more different/difficult when you're experiencing them than when you're hearing about them.

Will these ever become trends?

I was cleaning my room today, and I started taking random pictures. The big question? Will my randomness ever become something other women will want to try out? Here they are:

There are the boyfriend pants, the over-sized boyfriend shirt over high waisted jeans and a belt...but what about the boyfriend watch? It is only a matter of time before the "boyfriend" anything invades our accessories.

Now that I think about it, this is more last year's trend. I was just really hot cleaning and wanted a way to get my over-grown, needs a haircut bangs out of my face.

Crying Because of Movies

Titanic is the saddest movie ever! All I have to say. Good night.

So...

Jared and I kind of bonded over bacon pizza. Mom bought it for us probably because she was too hot to cook. Hey, 98 degrees isn't pretty...for anyone. But he told me some very valuable news concerning Noyce Camp, including a couple points of view I didn't know about. Nice to have some eyes inside the main valve. Apparently, they weren't really annoyed or concerned about me being an inept counselor, but they were annoyed with Kevin for leaving Noyce in the middle of the day without consulting the rest of the staff. He only told us, the Chatdam Court staff. Which I guess I can understand. He just had to take care of the lunches, which is out of the realm of thinking at Noyce. They just don't understand Chatdam at all. And I don't blame them. Before this year, I didn't understand Chatdam either. 

Loser

Today, it was like I was back in high school. I wonder if Kevin felt it. First, I made a little kid cry. I'm serious. I felt awful. We were playing "Fishy fishy," I tagged the kid, and he fell. Immediately started crying. First, shock. Then panic. Then horribleness. Then afterwards, after he calmed down a bit, I went over to him to formally apologize. He blamed the whole thing on me. That kind of pissed me off but I let it go. He's just a little kid after all. Later in the day, the kids were kind of out of hand, and a colleague who was in my graduating class, the President, the Valedictorian, the friggin' teacher's pet, was telling us that we needed to do a head count, make sure we had all of our kids, organize everyone. I felt like a total degrade reject loser. And he's friggin' handsome on top of everything else. And I don't know what it is, but he's less scrawny than in high school, less cross country man more...I don't know, just more filled out and muscular. Not that I was thinking any of this at the time, I'm just saying how further unfair my position was to this friggin' high school god. Brenden even said thanks for his help, which I refused to do. I think he even looked at me, too, like he expected a thank you from all of us. (Anton followed Brenden's lead). I just wanted the day to end and friggin' leave Noyes Camp. Well, we were boarding the bus at the time which was good, and the ride gave me a chance to cool down. I was really disappointed in the kids' behavior. At least Chatdam won in the Gold Rush game. Because, despite everything, Chatdam rules.