Cute Nails

Loved this photo...had to include it. <3

Playing a Part

Sometimes it's really late at night and I can imagine totally bitching to someone, proving a point, getting what I want. But then the next morning, I realize I totally don't have the guts to do that...to anyone. Like, I imagined calling Financial Aid and being TOTALLY out there obnoxious, and today I could barely muster the courage to dial the number. And even when I did dial, the beep beep busy tone clucked, and I found myself partly annoyed, but partly relieved, too. And I only tried it that one time. I think the biggest thing is, that I'm afraid people will judge me, and magically we'll be in a situation together, making me look like a dumbass. I can't fully get into character due to my lack of confidence and my fear of consequences. Even when I called the counseling center to talk to them about hours, I only said, "once a week" when I really want twice a week to coincide with my gym schedule, to guarantee a time when I'll actually hit the gym. That's assuming I'll have enough money left for the gym membership. Seriously, my job pays well by the hour, but I'm not getting enough hours! I wish things would be easier than they really are. I wish I could snap my fingers and things would happen on their own.

Naive

Believe me, things are a lot more different/difficult when you're experiencing them than when you're hearing about them.

Will these ever become trends?

I was cleaning my room today, and I started taking random pictures. The big question? Will my randomness ever become something other women will want to try out? Here they are:

There are the boyfriend pants, the over-sized boyfriend shirt over high waisted jeans and a belt...but what about the boyfriend watch? It is only a matter of time before the "boyfriend" anything invades our accessories.

Now that I think about it, this is more last year's trend. I was just really hot cleaning and wanted a way to get my over-grown, needs a haircut bangs out of my face.

Crying Because of Movies

Titanic is the saddest movie ever! All I have to say. Good night.

So...

Jared and I kind of bonded over bacon pizza. Mom bought it for us probably because she was too hot to cook. Hey, 98 degrees isn't pretty...for anyone. But he told me some very valuable news concerning Noyce Camp, including a couple points of view I didn't know about. Nice to have some eyes inside the main valve. Apparently, they weren't really annoyed or concerned about me being an inept counselor, but they were annoyed with Kevin for leaving Noyce in the middle of the day without consulting the rest of the staff. He only told us, the Chatdam Court staff. Which I guess I can understand. He just had to take care of the lunches, which is out of the realm of thinking at Noyce. They just don't understand Chatdam at all. And I don't blame them. Before this year, I didn't understand Chatdam either. 

Loser

Today, it was like I was back in high school. I wonder if Kevin felt it. First, I made a little kid cry. I'm serious. I felt awful. We were playing "Fishy fishy," I tagged the kid, and he fell. Immediately started crying. First, shock. Then panic. Then horribleness. Then afterwards, after he calmed down a bit, I went over to him to formally apologize. He blamed the whole thing on me. That kind of pissed me off but I let it go. He's just a little kid after all. Later in the day, the kids were kind of out of hand, and a colleague who was in my graduating class, the President, the Valedictorian, the friggin' teacher's pet, was telling us that we needed to do a head count, make sure we had all of our kids, organize everyone. I felt like a total degrade reject loser. And he's friggin' handsome on top of everything else. And I don't know what it is, but he's less scrawny than in high school, less cross country man more...I don't know, just more filled out and muscular. Not that I was thinking any of this at the time, I'm just saying how further unfair my position was to this friggin' high school god. Brenden even said thanks for his help, which I refused to do. I think he even looked at me, too, like he expected a thank you from all of us. (Anton followed Brenden's lead). I just wanted the day to end and friggin' leave Noyes Camp. Well, we were boarding the bus at the time which was good, and the ride gave me a chance to cool down. I was really disappointed in the kids' behavior. At least Chatdam won in the Gold Rush game. Because, despite everything, Chatdam rules.

Field Trip!

For Chatdam, a field trip means going across town to another camp or to the Quarries. Well, here we go again. Tomorrow, we're going to take the bus across town to Noyes Camp, where I actually worked last year. Big Daddy Races? No idea. I guess we'll see.

Nickelback

Dad says the lead singer needs to clear his throat. I have to admit, I never thought the same, but when he said it, I had to laugh and agree a tad. But isn't that raspy sound what makes Nickelback have that special sound? Wasn't that sound what made them famous? I don't know. I was listening to my iTunes today after the radio went on commercial and I didn't feel like digging through my stuff to find another CD. I've been listening to Avril for so long...enough is enough. So on go the iTunes, and when Nickelback's "Someday" comes on, I actually sort of relate to it. I imagine myself singing it to my parents. I wonder if they would listen?

Someday lyrics:

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Dont think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

[Solo]

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a hollywood horror

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when

Okay, some of this I would sing to my parents, some of it not. I'm really bad at getting lyrics right just from hearing them. :)

Goodbyes

I have been away from the Internet for a couple of days because of a grand sleepover. I love going over Kristin's house because she has these amazing board games that are NOT boring (there was a new one called Funglish...of course I love word games), somehow I eat somewhat healthier there, and we always end up doing something active outside like playing volleyball or walking up the huge hill by her house. Plus, Kristin's cousin, Alex, comes over sometimes to hang out, and he's a cutie! I'm not sure if he'll see me as anything more, but I'm happy with the easy-going relationship we have now, even if my heart quickens whenever I'm around him and I'm extra clumsy. Like today, I'm not very good at Badminton to start out with, but whenever he's near me, I'm just plain bad. Especially with the sun in my face. I managed to laugh it off and enjoyed his teasing nevertheless. And during a board game last night, I kept on thinking about sexual things while he talked, and I had to work hard to control my expressions. I feel bad that when I left I didn't say goodbye, but I was more focused on saying goodbye to Kristin. She's leaving for the Army Reserves Tuesday, and today was her goodbye party. It was quite the success, even though only three of her friends could come, but she had plenty of family and family friends there. Even the Pickles (I know, funny last name), whom she used to babysit for, came to the picnic. I held her for about 30 seconds straight. I'm going to miss her terribly. I almost cried, but I didn't want to be the only one to cry, so I held it in. It's going to be totally different with her gone, not being able to call, e-mail, or meet her at the mall. She keeps on telling me it's not forever, but I bet the emptiness I'll feel when she's gone will feel like forever.

 

Being Neglectful

I know I have been neglecting this blog lately, but I feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis (at the age of 19). No, I'm exaggerating. I think I'm just trying to get my life started, and it is proving to be more difficult than I thought. There have been things going on in my life, but I think some things are meant to stay private. As in off the Internet. And I am exhausted so I am going to bed. Good night.

Reconnecting With Friends

My friends are the best, but sometimes it's hard to keep in touch with everyone due to busy schedules and (in some cases) lack of technology. These past couple of days have been the best because I got to talk to some girls I haven't talked to, like really talked to, since the last day of classes. Plus, I came home early, so it's been extra long. I'm really excited to get back to school and get back to a busier routine. Getting a job is extra important to me now, so I filled out two applications, one for Portland, so I can have some extra hours during the last few weeks of summer and winter break, etc, and an on-campus job so I can have a job close to my dorm room, no cars required. I'm also really grateful to my friends because they go above and beyond to make things work for me. Driving me around, entertaining me, going along with my crazy ideas without question. Those are the things that make me feel good, and I cannot stress to them enough how grateful I am to every single one of them who have made my life sparkle. <3

College besties. :)

Moped?

I've been browsing through Bing Images to find the perfect moped. I'm actually considering buying one. Silver from 90210 looked amazing, sexy, and super cool riding hers, and it's cheaper than buying a car. I would probably still need to get insurance, though. Here's one that I found. It's a Lambretta, which is the brand that I really like. Red isn't my number one color; I was actually hoping for a purple or light blue. But it's whatever. It's not like I'm actually going to buy this one or any one anytime soon. But here it is:

It's cute but not too girly. I'm not even sure they make purple mopeds. Haha, but if they don't I should start my own line of mopeds! Totally just kidding. :)

Love Me, Hate Me

I really love this picture:

The shirt is really hot. It's something I would wear. I'm not sure if you can tell from the picture, and I'm not even sure if she really did this from this picture alone, but below you can see she paired it with her poka dot bikini bottoms. I just thought doing that pairing gave it an edge and a sexy feel. And any woman who can do that successfully is clearly beautiful and one who can be admired.

See? And that girl is actually her cousin, if you can believe that!! :P They look so different. :)

Amazing Find

I went to the library after work today. I was so excited to actually browse through the card catalog or just walk through the isles trying to find that perfect, amazing stack of books to read my way through. I also considered getting movies, but decided against it. I did, however, get the July Cosmo. I must admit, some of the flare of reading a new and exciting magazine that project a lady point of view is kind of wearing off. I did read through "The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner," the novella by Stephanie Meyer. It was a great book, I mean novella, seeing as I read through the thing in one afternoon. I also got a few other fiction books that are technically for teens, but I don't care. And a few fashionista and life oriented books found in the non-fiction section. I rarely get books from there, but now that I'm older, maybe I should make an effort to visit that section more frequently. My greatest and most amazing find of the day, however, was "The One Hundred," by Nina Garcia, from Project Runway (didn't even see the author name until I got home).  It details every clothing item (the top 100 of course) that a women should own. In the intro, however, it warns that the items reflect HER personal style, and the reader should consider each piece and have the item be represented by their personal style. I feel like that last sentence had a lot of words, but hopefully you get the picture. I even chose that book to bring with me as one of my reading materials for my morning field squatting. :)
That about wraps things up for now. Good night, fashionistas. <3

I like how the title is bigger than the name. That's how it should be.

Babies

I never used to like babies or little kids. I hated, HATED working with the toddlers last year. I felt like all they did was cry and fight over stupid things. But I think I've either learned to appreciate them or have come to understand them at least...or maybe both. Today was amazing. Kevin pulled out the slip and slide again...and this time I actually went on it. Uniform and all. And it was a lot more fun than I thought. I held kids' hands, even carried a few, and it was FUN. Just pure fun. I'm really forming a lot of connections with these kids, and it feels great. I even played jump rope...something I hadn't done...in forever. I seriously do not remember the last time I was in the center with two people twirling the rope. I can't even do that single jump rope mumbo jumbo. More news: I applied to Burger King. I'm having Rachel put a good word in for me, and the job means working on my people skills and getting some extra cash. I'm 90% sure I won't be able to buy a car by the end of the summer...it's already July! And I'm not even sure about the written part of my license, much less the whole thing. I'm also thinking about quitting the French Club and finally writing something for submission for the Southern News. And possibly getting more involved with Southern TV. I'm a Journalism major, damn it, and I'm gonna start acting like it and spending some quality time putting some thought and action into my future. If I can't do these things, my future will be murky and gray. And I really don't want that to happen.

PLL

I actually got to watch Pretty Little Liars on time this week! Haha, no hulu for me! And it was amazing. Everyone except Dan and Dad went out tonight to visit some chick named Rhonda (don't ask, I have no idea), so the TV was as free as can be! Some recording things came up, which was mega annoying, but I zapped those little pests. I'm so sick of no one wanting to watch any of my shows and having them always talk smack about them. I never talk smack about Family Guy or South Park, and to me these are two of the most annoying TV shows in America today. I was really thinking about school today because I hung out with Rachel and school came up. And then in Pretty Little Liars, the girls looked so studious with their text books and binders...I got Seventeen today. and the back to school clothes are looking sweet! I can't wait 'til August when I get to go shopping at Marshalls and maybe Kohls. I only have a gift card to Marshalls, so I'll have to budget my money wisely at Kohls. No more $300 shopping sprees from last year. :( That was so much fun, though, and VERY worth it. Alright, gotta shower and get ready for bed...night! <3

I'm a Bitch, I'm a Lover

By Meredith Brooks

I Hate the World Today
You’re So Good to Me, I Know
But I Can Change
Tried to Tell You
But You Look At Me Like Maybe I’m An Angel Underneath
Inoccent and Sweet

Yesterday I Cried
Must Have Been Relieved to See the Softer Side
I Can Understand How You’d Bee So Confused
I Don’t Envy You
I’m a Little Bit of Everything
All Roled Into One

I’m a Bitch I’m a Lover
I’m a Child I’m a Mother
I’m a Sinner I’m a Saint
I do Not Feel Ashamed
I’m Your Hell I’m Your Dream
I’m Nothing in Between
You Know, You Wouldn’t Want It Any Other Way

So Take Me As I Am
This May Mean, You’ll Have to Be a Stronger Man
You Used to Shoot When I Start to Make You Nervous
And I’m Going to Extreams
Tomorrow I Will Change and Today Won’t Mean a Thing

I’m a Bitch I’m a Lover
I’m a Child I’m a Mother
I’m a Sinner I’m a Saint
I do Not Feel Ashamed
I’m Your Hell I’m Your Dream
I’m Nothing in Between
You Know, You Wouldn’t Want It Any Other Way

Just When You Think
You Got Me
Figured Out the Seasons Are Already Changin’
I Think It’s Cool, You do What You do
And Don’t Try to Sing Me

I’m a Bitch I’m a Lover
I’m a Child I’m a Mother
I’m a Sinner I’m a Saint
I do Not Feel Ashamed
I’m Your Hell I’m Your Dream
I’m Nothing in Between
You Know, You Wouldn’t Want It Any Other Way

I’m a Bitch, I’m Tease
I'm a Goddess On My Knees
When You Hurt
When You Suffer
I'm Your Angel Undercover
I've Been Numb
I'm Revived
Can't Say I'm Not Alive
You Know I Wouldn't Want It Any Other Way


So far, I have listened to this song three times in the last couple of hours. I love it. <3 Look it up on YouTube, or just follow the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHrFEnL9CfM

The Lake, The Pool

Swimming underwater is the best. The whole world gets shut out. It's just you and the water. You hold your breath and get to catch it all back as you break through the surface, toward the sun. As you glide under the water, your legs become like a frog's and your arms like an eagle. Your belly slides against the bottom. You're running out of air, but you want a few more stokes. Your lungs contract in your chest. More air! More air!
You break the surface. Toward the sun.

Javior Colon!!

Javior is the first winner of the Voice! I was voting for him from the beginning. Not only was he an amazing singer, but he is from Stratford, CT. And he LIVES in Hartford, CT. Like, anytime I'm passing through Hartford, that could be him passing me on the highway! His coach was Adam Levine, from Maroon 5, and he TOTALLY cried when the announcer dude said that Javior was the winner. He said that he promised Stevie Nicks that he wasn't going to cry, but then he did! I thought it was really sweet, though. I really love Maroon 5, too, so I was totally into Team Adam from the beginning...I actually wanted Javior to chose Adam at the Blind Audition when everyone turned their chairs just because I wanted Adam to win the whole thing. The same thing happened with Jeff. I was kind of afraid that Bevery was going to take the gold for Team Christina, which would have kind of sucked. But then she didn't even end up in the top 2! It was Dia, from Team Blake. If she had won, I would've been bummed, but I would've gotten over it quickly and just be happy for her. It was only a 2% margin between Javior and Dia, which was kind of surprising but not really. Dia was really popular on iTunes. But Javior ended up winning and that's what matters!