Summer Work

I've been home for about a month and a half now and I have done very little. What I do remember means very little in the big scheme of things that is my life. I have big dreams. Dreams to work at an elite magazine, wear fabulous clothes, hold a certain image, live in a penthouse or maybe an awesome townhouse, and be cool enough to get into certain parties. Maybe these dreams are the reason why I'm so hooked to Gossip Girl and why I can't stop thinking about Logan Henderson, a guy talented enough to bounce from being basically unknown to a hot nerd on Big Time Rush. All I wanna be is a talented girl working her ass off for something good that I believe in. My problem isn't the inability to work hard. My problem is finding the right thing to work hard for. So what if I can get a job at Burger King because I'm close with one of the managers? The problem is that I'm close with one of the managers. I've seen first hand what happens when people have friends that are coworkers instead of having coworkers that are friends. I have something close to that at the place I work for now, and more importantly, my brother doesn't also work there (for now) and it illuminates a positive message for everyone else in the world: that kids deserve a safe place during the summer where they can have fun, make friends, and share memories later on in life. Okay, so at BK I can argue the whole expanding my people person skills, but I don't think that serving people who walk in craving grease will really help all that much. I was at a birthday party yesterday, and just to flip the bird at my mother without really doing so, I got cozy with the elders at the party, laughing over mixing beer and vodka, marrying young, and green balls. Earlier that week, she had asked me if I was afraid of older people, and I said no. I was angry she could forget all those times I helped her back when she worked in Middletown and Cromwell. Worse, she didn't believe me because I heard her talking about it with Jared, my brother. And that's not all they talked about. I hate, double hate when people talk bad about me behind my back, but especially when they do it so carelessly I can clearly hear them and they don't have enough compassion inside them to think about this before shouting about it to the whole house (not really shouting, but you get the picture). Mom says all I do is sit in my room. Maybe that's true, for about 70% of this vacation, but she never thought to investigate further...to maybe be a mom and ask me about anything. We haven't talked about anything real in the longest, and at that family picnic when the elders asked who I was, I felt weird saying, "Michelle's daughter." I don't feel like Michelle's daughter. She said the best thing they could have done was kick Adam out of the house. She was talking about doing the same thing to me, and I swear, if I feel as shunned as Adam is right now, I will be devastated. This was a family picnic, and she didn't even think of inviting him until we were driving over and it was too late. She said she figured he was hanging out with Shanae, Adam's girlfriend, but I don't think this is true. When I'm a mom, I won't be the kind of mom my mother is. Either one. This one is horrible, and the one in Enfield isn't strong enough. I guess that makes me somewhat of a witch, too, since I'm talking such nonsense about them, even if it is the truth. Who would hire me when I can only commit myself for the rest of the summer? I really can't work at BK. My car goal does not look to be happening (the whole Marshalls thing?). I wouldn't even have enough to get a car AND books, seeing as all the money that I got last summer from graduation gifts and my job got blown all in the first semester mostly due to books and my mistake of forgetting about the future. I also thought about Main Street Diner. With the hours I have now at my other job, I would be able to work weekends from 5 am-1 pm: a good eight hours, increasing my work load to 36 hours a week. But who would drive me? Well, I have a test...let's see if it works.

Summer. Yeah, whatever.