In Mourning

Well, I think it's really obvious that when it comes to fashion you wear black while in mourning. Or clothes of the deceased. Well, I'm eighteen, and with this age, I'm learning, you lose a lot of people. I can't go to church anymore without crying. This past Sunday, while everyone was downstairs drinking coffee, I went back  up to the worship space and laid down in front of the cross, and broke down. I feel His presence less and less, and through music, praying, and reading the bible, I've been desperate more than ever to feel His touch again, but my heart feels more empty than ever. I just received news that Poppi is in the hospital. Before, I didn't think it possible for people to just die, especially people close to me. I was naive. And now I'm paying for it. It's ironic how I was discussing with my best friend, who happened to be J's cousin, visiting him at the hospital and how he just HAD to get better. It didn't seem possible, or right, that he should die like he did. But he did. Even as we were talking about visiting him, he was already dead. Gone. He never knew how much I felt for him. And never will. And isn't it ironic how as I'm typing this and tears fall down my cheeks that "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergie is playing in the background?